the cassingle revival
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20 years old, a blog held from the age of 16, Australia, girl, young adult problems and resolutions, an honest and dry look at myself learning to be a better, bigger, happier person, artist, photographer.
Trying to find my place in the world, a career, a family, to move on from the hectic world of the Bartender.
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Friday, 29 April 2011, 8:53 am
a pantomime horsie
Myspace. SO 2005, right? A relic of the technological Cold War for kids, now in their late teens or early twenties. The sweet summer of 2005 where guyliner and bromance was new and cool, Beiber was a 15 year old UK girls username, and Facebook was merely a thought and cheap domain in a college kids geeky revenge dreams. Tom, once white-shirt and slouched, now tweed and The Cure albums, was a good man - he was my first real internet friend, welcoming me to the world of HISspace.
Myspace moved gradually towards the music scene and dropped the heady gossip Facebook became so good at, and the reason it eventually died in the ass. So to speak. Now it's simply a living will for those wanting to be reminded of the early 2000's - a day of innocence when the only thing you had to worry about was the odd friend request from "that guy" in Turkey regarding your sexually charged teenage mirror pose.
So, with a pocket full of loose change and a head full of ideas, I realised I hadn't signed into Myspace for years -- actually, come to think of it, I simply replaced it with Facebook. But darned if I can bring myself to delete it.
Oh look, a new Myspace logo. That's a helpful change to try and compete with Zuckerburg. Nice try anyway, Tom.
Alright, I admit it. I'm here to look at myself 3 or 4 years ago. My angsty, spoilt 13-14 year old self. I'm curious about how much I've changed, if at all, in a mere four years. And so I begin my tour.
Firstly, I was well liked!
"________ has 489 friends!"
Funny, I didn't feel that way years ago.
Maybe I'm a realist now, on Facebook I only have 248 friends.
I call that an improvement. Tick.
My first friend on the list was my BESTEST male buddy EVER. When I was 14 he was 26 and he put up with me pretty well. I respected that little sod. He's now a pessimistic sad 29 year old with dissolved dreams, no girlfriend, and a deathwish. That's a good start. His comments were insightful. Mostly fatherly but generally endearing and well-meaning.
"i should add, for Rant 1., sometimes we need to invest some time into really trying to help our loved ones to reach a confidence and an understanding in order that they can finally appreciate the compliments - it's never as easy as saying "just get over it" - our friends are those we cherish in good times, help with guidance in lost times, are content with in chilled times, and who we support to our full capacity in bad times.
Glad you and a friend worked this one out..
love from emo/metal/HC/rock/indie/ambient/alternative/worker/petrol-head/wolf... ;)
Stay Strong. xx"
Like I said, thoughtful and endearing. My first father figure. My first major crush. We then became just good buddies and still are to this day.
"Friends like Family.
Common grounds give us more to share and to connect on, differences can be difficult but it's only the blind and the insecure who try to shut others down for their position in life and for their choices. ..if i hear the 'e' word or goth or slut ONE MORE TIME..
One of our good mates, Ian, says sarcastically: "a SLUT's a girl who won't sleep with YOU" - we recognise macho male bullshit; they force girls to do what they don't want to, then call them sluts for being involved.. like, what the fukk?
Luvs, Wrestles & Hugs
.lr. xx "
My 14-year old self liked the use the words "emo, killed, twisted, wicked, sin," a straight jacket reference, and poor HTML use. My spelling was sub par spelling "vegetarian" much like "vegetation" (points for trying) and frequent interchange between "their, there, they're", "to, too, two", and "you're, your".
My 14-year old self was a promiscuous creature, though I remember she had only just had her first kiss and brush with males at that point. Her first boyfriend at 13 was a tall, long-haired Caucasian named "Dean", who owned a t-shirt company and to this day still owes her $200 for a train ticket back to Brisbane. Little snippets of my budding sexuality were plastered on this internet home -- references to snuggling with a man wearing a hoodie (tasted but not eaten), my undeveloped and untested preferences for a mate (long hair, good arms and a deep voice seemed the be the only criteria) as well as a "rebellious" banner; "I can suck it and smile, bitch." No doubt I could, but at age 14, I didn't quite understand the sheer sluttiness of such a statement. Listing her perfect male, he was between 6'2-6'9, long-haired, stubble, wore white t-shirts and blue jeans, black hair, grey/green/blue eyes, and wanted him to be quiet but thoughtfully intelligent.
12th of December, 2006, 14-year old self talked about her first summer fling. 6'6", long black hair, piercings, tattoo's, and a ladycharmer way of talking. He fit my "perfect man" exactly. I'm not sure which came first. I hope it was a self fulfilling prophecy.
14-year old self claims to be single, 169cm tall, of average weight, 16 years old, Wiccan and undecided whether or not she'll have children. She started highschool in 2003 and at the time of writing her 14-year old thoughts, had not yet completed it.
14-year old self had a best Myspace buddy. Best Myspace buddy got married and never logged on again. 14-year old self remembered being particularly bitter about this, and my Myspace visits got less frequent. 3 years ago she posted a comment on there saying she still thinks about me, and is happily married. Aw.
517 comments were posted on her Myspace wall during her stay with the website. The majority were bands, idle banter between high-school friends, or specifically, her best friend during years 7-9, who left school as soon as she found out, yep, she was pregnant. They haven't really spoken since, but I do know she's engaged and has a lovely daughter.
Blogging, all these years ago, was a new pursuit. Her mood was constantly chipper, sometimes deflating to merely "happy". With a spinny-smiley!
14-year old self took a lot of surveys. She had never cheated on a partner, listed her "current relationship status" as "swinging" (untrue, fatty 14 year old) and was fine with stay-at-home mums. I liked the texture of meat, but didn't eat it, and preferred Coke over Pepsi. I was a sell-out, listening 50 Cent over 2Pak, and listed a preference for Kerry over Bush.
Hindsight is an interesting little bitch.